Well, it’s been exactly one month since my surgery. In some ways it feels like a few days and in others it feels like it’s been a year. As with so many things in life the last month has been all about managing (and forgetting about) expectations.

Overall, I’m doing great! So much better than a few weeks ago. I’m walking 2-3 miles a day, getting out-and-about, and throwing in a nap here and there. In many ways, I’m doing way better than the doctor anticipated, especially physically. I think my baseline fitness with all my bike riding helped me out there. Each day I feel a little less tired and a little more like myself.

My stomach is still trying to figure out what it likes, doesn’t like, and how it all works together. Every day is a test of sorts, as I try lots of different foods and wait to see how things react. It’s the one thing that I totally didn’t expect, and the one thing that’s been tricky to just settle into the process and wait for things to heal completely.

My staples came out last week, and the incision is healing well. There are a few swollen areas where they cut through the lymph system that could take a year or so to go down, but otherwise everyone is happy with how everything is looking. This is what things are looking like and I apologize in advance if this is a bit too much gore.

Deep breathing, sneezing and laughing hurt less than they did. In my follow-up appointment, Dr. Liu said it’s likely I have micro-fractures in my ribs where they had to push them out of the way to get to my liver. Another month or so and those sensations should fade away. I’ve lost about 10 pounds and until I’m done healing internally, I’ve been told my body will have no interest in replacing muscle mass. Patience is hard.

Which brings me to the mental side of things. It’s been a lot to sit and process all of the emotions, physical sensations, and the extended downtime I’ve had (I don’t sit still well but I’m working on it). This experience has made me examine and re-examine who I am underneath my day-to-day identity, what’s important, and how to embrace the journey. The impatient part of me wants to be 100% better… like right now… And as always, life doesn’t slow down for anything. Claire got the flu on Christmas Eve and had a rough go, which meant holiday plans had to shift and re-shift in real-time.

The saving grace has been having our full family back together (although Dalton flies back to NY today), my amazing Jenny who has stepped up and taken care of everyone and everything, and our amazing friends and family, who have provided laughter, smiles, board games, food, and encouragement. I can’t express my gratitude enough.

The next steps are to get back on the bike trainer in the next few weeks without pushing my physical limits, continue to reflect and use my downtime wisely, and to keep connecting with those around me. I’ll keep striving to embrace the whole journey, and to stop and take in the sights along the way.